


The Way I Loved You

by OhDarn116



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Sexual Tension, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhDarn116/pseuds/OhDarn116
Summary: After a drunken incident at Andrew Johnson's party, Toni and Shelby must figure out how to deal with the sudden shift in their friendship.or'She isn’t sure why she does it, maybe because she’s drunk, or maybe because both of their emotions are running so high, but Toni places a soft kiss on Shelby’s cheek.The blonde pulls away, blinking.Toni freezes, wondering if she’s gone too far this time.Then, Shelby herself leans forward, planting a kiss to the side of Toni’s face.'
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 42
Kudos: 338





	1. The Bathroom

The sun beats down bright and hot, warm air getting trapped in the valley of the high school football field. 

Summer’s nearing its end, but it doesn’t stop heat from gathering in the spaces between the huddled students gathered together on the metal bleachers. 

Despite wearing nothing but a sleeveless jersey and knee length basketball shorts, Toni Shalifoe can feel the sweat pouring down from the base of her jawline to the slope of her neck. It’s uncomfortable, but she pays it no heed, attention fully focused on the pep rally below. 

Principal Klein is giving some dull speech about high school spirit, and the importance this night will have on the district's reputation. Toni couldn’t care less. The day is almost through, and her excitement to finally be free from the confinements of everyday life is pulling at her skin. 

“Jesus fuck it’s hot out here.” Dorothy Campell voices, as if reading the thoughts of each student around her. 

Toni grins, “You can say that again.”

Dot slurps from the half melted popsicle she holds in her hand, the one each student had been given that afternoon before they made their way onto the field. “I can’t wait to go home, this weeks been too damn long.”

To Toni’s right, Martha, her best friend, shushes the two of them, “Quiet you two, Shelby is about to give her speech!”

Toni simply rolls her eyes, pointedly holding back a scoff from breaking through her lips. 

“She gives the same exact speech every year Marty, I really don’t think-”

Her words are cut off by a loud applause from the children and staff around her, as Principle Klein hands over the mic to Shelby.

“Everyone give it up for Miss Klein!” Shelby shouts into the microphone, the roaring of the crowd only grows louder. 

Despite herself, Toni claps along, knowing the the applause is not so much for their principle, but rather for the fact that she’d finally shut the fuck up.

Shelby beams up at the crowd in front of her, blonde hair practically glowing, as if the sun itself had dipped down, surrounding her in a halo of it’s warmth. 

If you’d asked Toni back in sophomore year what she thought about the new student Shelby Goodkind, she would’ve spat in your face and told you she didn’t give a fuck about that ‘bible thumping bitch from Texas.’ 

The two girls had (more or less) overcome their differences in Junior year though, after an explosive fight between them that almost cost Toni her friendship with Martha, who had become quite close with Shelby after moving to Minnesota the year prior. 

Now that it was Senior year, Toni has begrudgingly allowed Shelby into her life, whether she initially wanted to or not, and had kind of formed a sort of fondness for the girl. They weren’t that close, and never once had they hung out by themselves outside of school (always accompanied by Martha or another one of their friends), but they had a close companionship, and that was enough for Toni. 

Another roar from the crowd draws Toni out her thoughts as Shelby announces each player of the football team as they run onto the field. 

Soon enough, her speech is over, and the pep rally games began. 

Toni watches a few of her fellow seniors jog down from their seats to join some sort of pie eating contest. What a bunch of idiots. 

Eventually, the games are finished, and Klein announces it’s time for everyone to head home, wishing for everyone to make it to the game tonight. 

Toni picks up both her and Shelby’s bag, and follows Martha and Dot into the parking lot. 

“Over here!” She hears Rachel yell from where she and her sister are leaning against the chain link fence. 

The trio makes their way over them, jumping into easy conversation right away. 

“So who’s place are we getting ready at tonight?” Rachel asks nonchalantly.

Dot whips out her phone, squinting down at the screen, “Fatin texted me earlier, she said her parents are going to be out, pizza’s on her.”

Toni nods, “Sounds good to me.”

Nora pipes up, “Where is she any way? I didn’t see her or Leah at the rally.”

Dot shrugs, “Leah’s got some study group thing with Ian, as for Fatin, she’s probably under the bleachers fucking Brian again.”

They all burst into laughter, even Martha cracks a grin. 

Rachel jerks her chin towards the bright pink bag at Toni’s feet, “Shelby leave her shit with you again?”

Toni smirks, “Pageant Queen had to deliver her award winning speech, I offered to watch her stuff.”

Rachel nods, an amused look on her face. 

Dot claps her hands together, “Welp, I’m gonna head out, you all coming with?”

Nora and Rachel nod, making their way over to Dots pick up truck. 

Dot turns to Martha and Toni, “How about you two?”

“Shelby offered us a ride today.” Martha tells her.

Dot nods curtly and disappears into the crowd of students making their way home. 

It’s only a few minutes before Toni sees the overly cheerful smile making its way towards them. 

“Hey ya’ll!” Shelby greets them, “Sorry I took so long, Andrew held me up.”

Toni scowls at the mention of Shelby’s boyfriend, captain of the football team. 

“It’s no problem at all,” Martha smiles sweetly, “You’re speech was wonderful.”

Shelby tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, shyly looking at the pavement, “Oh you’re too kind Marty B. it was nothin’ really.”

Toni snorts, “Yeah yeah, you always were a suck up to Klein. Were the three rounds of applause for her really necessary?” 

Shelby rolls her eyes, but a smile is tugging at her lips. 

“Here’s your shit.” Toni says, raising the pink bag for Shelby to take.

The blonde’s expression softens, as if often does any time Toni does something remotely kind for another person. Toni ignores the way it makes her stomach flip flop, instead offering her a quick smile of her own. 

Shelby leads them to her car, a clunky white Subaru she’d bought herself last year with award money from her pageants. 

As per usual, Toni crawls into the passenger seat, Martha settling into the middle seat behind them. 

Shelby rolls down all the windows, even opening the sunroof, before plugging her phone into the aux cord. 

“Really?” Toni asks over the music blasting from the radio, “Taylor Swift again?”

In response, Shelby only turns the song up higher.

Then Martha and Shelby are screaming the lyrics to ‘Wonderland’ as they speed towards Fatins place, and as the song reaches its climax, Toni can’t help but sing along too, not remembering how she even knows the lyrics. 

The rest of the girls are already in the kitchen when they arrive, talking loudly as always. 

Leah offers them pizza. Toni downs four slices and a cherry coke before her stomach is filled. 

The football game started at seven thirty, but the eight of them don’t leave until almost nine, not really caring too much either way. 

Shelby makes a fuss about how disappointed Andrew would be if she didn’t make it, so they all begrudgingly pile into Fatins car and head over. 

Their team wins, as it always does, and though Toni doesn’t give a shit about football either way, the gleeful look on Shelby’s face as they make the winning touchdown makes it all worth it.

The warmth in her chest dies almost immediately though, because then Andrew Johnson is throwing off his helmet and sprinting towards the crowd, making a show of it as he sweeps Shelby up into a kiss. 

Shelby only looks surprised as he does it, and Toni can’t imagine it’s all that enjoyable, because Andrew is sweaty and she can smell his B.O. from here. 

Apparently Shelby agrees with her, because she pulls away from the kiss quickly. Toni isn’t sure if she imagines it, but she thinks Shelby glances at her, grin faltering for a split second. 

No one else seems to notice it, so Toni chalks it up to wishful thinking. 

“Party at my place!” Andrew yells suddenly. The crowd of girls behind Toni, along with the rest of the football team, erupt into whoops and hollers. 

Shelby is released from Andrews' grip, and she makes her way back to Toni and the others, smoothing down her cardigan where her boyfriend had wrinkled it. 

“You’re all invited too.” Shelby tells her friends, “It wouldn’t be any fun without ya’ll.”

Fatin shrugs, “You know what? Why the hell not. Your boyfriend is a dickbag, but I could go for a drink.”

Martha nods, “Yeah I’ll come.”

Rachel shakes her head, “It’s a no from me, sorry, I got diving practice tomorrow morning.” Nora nods in agreement, having to wake up early as well. 

“How about you Dottie?”

Dot shakes her head, “Nah, I gotta take care of the old man. I don’t want to keep Mateo waiting up on me all night either.”

Fatin wiggles her eyebrows, “Ooh. You never told me you had a new man in your life, Dorothy.”

Dot flips her off.

“I’ll come too.” Leah tells Shelby, “I need time out of the house anyway.”

Now Shelby is turning to Toni, her green eyes locking with Toni’s own brown ones. She raises her eyebrows in question. 

Truthfully, Toni doesn’t want to go. Being around a drunken Andrew Johnson, high off of his recent win, sounds like hell on earth. 

But Shelby is looking at her, a sort of pleading expression on her face, and Toni can’t say no.

She smiles stiffly, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

After it’s all settled, Martha, Toni, Leah, Fatin, and Shelby all head to the party. 

It’s already in full swing when they arrive. Trap music is blasting from inside the large house, so loud Toni can hear it before she even goes inside. 

The house is so crowded Toni thinks the whole population of Hopewell Lake Highschool must be here. 

Fatin drags Leah and Martha off into the crowd to dance to some Nicki Minaj song, leaving Shelby and Toni to fend for themselves in the kitchen. 

“Want anything?” Shelby asks.

“I could go for beer.” Toni says.

Shelby grabs them each a drink from the fridge. Toni takes a swig of hers, watching as Shelby takes long gulps from her own bottle. Her eyes follow the curve of Shelby’s throat as she drinks. 

She breaks her eyes away, remembering she can’t do that, because as much as she hates him, Shelby has a boyfriend. Shelby is straight. 

“Jesus, I didn’t know you drank.” Toni smirks.

Shelby lowers the bottle from her lips, drying her mouth with the back of her hand. “I may be Christain, but I ain’t no prude.”

Toni snorts, taking another sip. 

They fall into easy conversation, finishing off two more beers before Andrew himself stumbles into the room. 

Whereas Toni is pleasantly buzzed, it’s painfully obvious that Andrew is near blackout drunk already. 

“Hey babe!” He exclaims, wrapping his long arms around Shelby’s waist, sliding his hands up and down her thighs, “I’ve been looking for you.” He whispers, breathing heavily into her ear, paying no heed to the fact that Toni is right there, watching the whole scene rather uncomfortably. 

Toni exaggerates a gagging motion as Andrew kisses Shelby’s shoulder. 

Shelby shifts uncomfortably under his touch. 

“Christ, can you get a room or something?” Toni groans. 

Andrew raises his head, finally acknowledging her. 

“You got a problem?” He asks, words slurring together. 

“Yeah, I do.” Toni scowls, “Fuck off.”

Shelby glances warily between her and Andrew, trying to inch towards Toni. 

“This is my fucking house, you can’t tell me what to do.” He says.

Toni tries to bite down the anger rising within her. She knows well enough how it will end if she lets it loose. 

“It’s fine.” Shelby offers, “Come on Toni, why don’t you and me go find Fatin and the others.”

Andrew rests his hand on his girlfriends shoulder, “I have a better idea.”

Shelby freezes, suddenly looking trapped. 

Toni clenches the drink in her hand.

“How about you and me head upstairs?” Andrew says, voice low. 

Shelby swallows, blinking fervently. 

Toni knows her well enough to see that she obviously doesn’t want to. 

Still, Shelby says, “Well… Alright. Only for a little while.”

Toni scoffs, slamming her bottle onto the counter. “Fucking typical.” She mutters, and before Shelby can reach out for her, she’s disappearing into the crowd of drunken teenagers. 

She finds Martha in the living room, trying to play beer pong with a group of boys, and failing miserably. 

“TONIIIII,” Martha yells in excitement, slinging her arm around Toni’s shoulder, “You’re here!”

“Yeah, and you’re drunk as fuck.” Toni laughs. 

Martha giggles, “Yeah, yeah I am.” She stumbles slightly, falling further into the crook of Toni’s arm.

“Come on Marty,” Toni sighs, “Let’s get you some water.”

Martha whines but allows Toni to drag her over to the couch where she finds Leah sipping from a solo cup. 

“Woah,” Leah's eyes widen, “Is she..?”

“Fucked out of her mind?” Toni says, “Yeah. Would you mind watching her while I grab her some water?”

Leah nods.

Toni is quick to fill up a glass and head back to her friends. When she does though, Martha is passed out on Leah's shoulder.

“Shit.” Toni says, “Sorry, I can wake her up if you want.”

Leah smiles, shaking her head, “It’s fine, I’m just people watching anyway. You go enjoy the party.”

Toni smiles gratefully, “Well, when she does wake up, can you give her this?” She hands the glass to Leah, “I’m sure she’ll need it.”

Leah tells her she will, and Toni sets off to go enjoy herself. Downing another beer to keep her mind off a sleeping Martha, and a Shelby who is probably… well, she doesn’t even let that thought form in her head. 

At some point in the night, Fatin gets a hold of the speaker and starts playing club classics. Toni joins her fellow students on the dance floor, bopping her head along to the lyrics of ‘Thrift Shop.’

That’s when she sees her, the familiar blonde ponytail catching her eye from across the room. 

Toni is drunk, but she still notices the red circles around Shelby’s eyes. It looks as if she’d been crying. 

Toni tries calling out to her, but the music is too loud, drowning out the sound of her voice. 

Shelby walks swiftly by her, not even sparing Toni a glance as she moves quickly through the crowd. 

Concerned now, Toni follows her, pushing aside those who stumble into her way. 

Shelby leaves her line of sight for a moment, only to reappear a second later as she nears the hallway, leading to what Toni assumes is a bathroom. 

“Shelby!” Toni yells, but again her voice falls silent against the booming speakers. 

She’s about to reach out for Shelby, when she slams the bathroom door in her face. Toni doesn’t hesitate to re-open it, stepping into the room and closing it behind her once more. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Shelby asks, spinning around to face her. 

Toni steps away from the door, “I should be asking you the same thing… Are you ok?”

Shelby frowns, looking away, “Y-yeah I’m fine, why?”

Toni narrows her eyes, “‘Cus’ you look like you’ve been crying. Shelby, what happened?”

“Nothin’ I-” Shelby falters, a new wave of tears threatening to breach her eyelids, “Andrew he- he tried to-”

Toni clenches her jaw, “Did he hurt you?”

“We got in a fight.” She admits, “He- he wanted to- to have sex but I… Toni I-”

And then she’s falling into Toni’s arms, holding her so tightly that she can hardly breathe. 

Toni hugs her back. She swears quietly that the next time she sees that douche bag, she’s going to give him a piece of her mind. 

“Hey, shhh.” Toni assures her, “It’s going to be alright, I’m here.”

It’s the first time she’s ever really comforted someone, and she can't say she’s all that good at it. It’s always Martha or Mrs. Blackburn telling her calming words, after a fight, or after she’d broken up with Regan. 

Toni is a fast learner though, so she does the best she can to make Shelby feel better. 

“I’m gonna kill that dickwad the next time I see him.” Toni tells her.

It earns a sad chuckle from Shelby, who pulls away slightly, wiping the tears and smeared makeup from her face. 

“I don’t doubt that.” She smiles softly.

Toni looks up at her, “You deserve better than him, you know.”

Shelby blinks, casting her eyes downwards, “No I don’t.”

“What do you mean?” Toni asks incredulously, “Shelby, you’re like, the nicest person I’ve ever met. You deserve someone who makes you happy, not one that shames you for not wanting to fuck.”

Shelby winces at her crude words, still refusing to meet her gaze. 

“You hardly know me Toni, how do you know what I do and don’t deserve?”

Toni sighs, “I know you stay after school for an hour everyday to help out with the youth group… I know you offer your granola bar to Sam Berkins every day because he can’t afford lunch, I know you help Marty with all her English papers even though she never asks you too… I know you were kind to me sophomore year, even though I was always a piece of shit.”

Shelby chances a glance at Toni, green eyes wide.

“I don’t have to have known you your whole life to know you deserve to be happy Shelby.” Toni tells her, “Whatever happened before you moved here, it’s in the past.”

Shelby sniffs, blinking back tears once more. 

Toni offers her another hug, and Shelby takes it. 

It’s quiet in the bathroom, safe for the echo of music still coming in through the wall. Toni takes a deep breath, savoring the sweet smell of Shelby’s perfume as it enters her lungs. 

She isn’t sure why she does it, maybe because she’s drunk, or maybe because both of their emotions are running so high, but Toni places a soft kiss on Shelby’s cheek. 

The blonde pulls away, blinking. 

Toni freezes, wondering if she’s gone too far this time. 

Then, Shelby herself leans forward, planting a kiss to the side of Toni’s face. 

She takes a shaky breath as she draws away. There’s a sudden tension in the air now, the likes of one Toni’s never felt before. 

She wants to kiss Shelby’s cheek again, and the look Shelby is giving her tells her she wants to as well. 

Only this time, the both of them are moving forward, and it’s lips that meet lips. 

Shelby’s hands grasp at the base of Toni’s neck, pulling her impossibly close. Toni moves her hands up and down Shelby’s waist, wanting to touch her but being too drunk to know how.  
Shelby’s lips are soft and needy and full, and Toni thinks she could kiss them forever. 

Toni opens her mouth more, running her tongue across Shelby’s bottom lip in a silent question. 

The other girl makes a noise that sends waves of pleasure down Toni’s spine, she kisses her harder. 

Shelby leans towards Toni, pushing her back into the sink. 

Toni lets out a sound that sounds a lot more like a moan than a sigh.

Shelby stiffens.

All too soon, Shelby jumps back, eyes impossibly wide, face flushed bright red. 

It takes a moment for Toni to realize what’s just happened.

“Shelby-” Toni says, reaching out for the other girl.

The blonde stumbles back even more, elbow hitting the cabinet beside her and knocking over an expensive looking vase. 

“I- I have to go.” Shelby says, her voice sounding high pitched and strained. 

“Shelby wait-” Toni begs.

“I have to go.” She says again, fiddling with the door handle.

Then she’s gone. 

And just like the vase Shelby knocked over, Toni’s world shatters around her.


	2. Nothing To Talk About

Shelby doesn’t answer her calls or texts. 

Shelby sits quietly in the crowded church, hand gripping tightly around the metal cross on her neck, burning a hole into the palm of her hand. 

The priest speaks loudly from where he stands at the front of the church, giving his sermon to the Sunday morning mass. Shelby strains to hear his voice, but between the thoughts racing through her brain, and the ringing in her ears, it’s useless. 

There’s been a sinking feeling in her stomach ever since Andrew's party. Being here, under the eyes of God himself, only increases the feeling. 

She can practically feel Him, watching down with disapproval, ready to inflict punishment on her for the sins she’s committed. 

There’s a hand on her back, causing Shelby to startle.

Her father pulls back, a concerned look on his face, “Everythin’ alright Shelbs?”

It’s only then she realizes that the service is over, and nearly everyone has left the church. 

Shelby stands, finally releasing her necklace.

“Yes Daddy.” She tells him quickly, “Just lost in my head is all.”

Dave Goodkind gives her a look before a thin smile snakes its way onto his lips.

“Well, come on then, your mama’s makin’ meatloaf for supper, don’t want to be eatin’ too late now do we?”

I distant memory flashes through Shelby’s mind. One from back in Texas, of a best friend and a stolen kiss and a dark set of eyes, staring knowingly down at her, as if they had been waiting for such a mistake to happen since the day she’d been born.

They eat early in the day, as they always do on Sundays, leaving Shelby to ponder with her thoughts for the rest of the evening. 

She lays back in bed, shuffling through her phone.

No texts from Toni come today, and Shelby is almost disappointed by it. Which, she knows she shouldn’t be, it’s not like Shelby can exactly blame her. She’d ignored her previous ones after all. 

Shelby scrolls through instagram, liking her friends posts and sharing reels to her story. She stops briefly when Toni’s profile pops up on her screen. 

It’s nothing special, just a selfie of her and Martha from the football game last Friday, but Shelby can’t help staring at it.

Toni never posts much on her social media accounts, and when she does, Shelby thinks it’s because Martha pushes her to do so. 

The photo is blurry and low quality, but there’s a large grin on Toni’s face. It makes Shelby’s heart clench.

Frustrated at herself, she throws her phone away, as if it had burned her. 

She decides a shower is what she needs. 

Shelby turns the water up as hot as it can go, hoping that the heat will somehow burn away her sins. 

A hiss escapes her lips as the water scorches her skin, but she doesn’t move away, doesn’t turn the handle down. 

She let’s the water burn her until tears form in the corners of her eyes and she can’t take it anymore, finally pulling away and turning the faucet to a more reasonable heat. 

Pouring soap onto her body, Shelby scrubs hard at the skin of her back, her arms, her chest, her legs. She scrubs so hard her skin turns red, and she knows it will be raw and flushed tomorrow.

After a half hour Shelby steps out of the shower and dries off. 

Her skin is sore. All she feels is exhaustion. 

She looks at her naked body in the mirror, finding flaws about it any normal person would pass over. 

The more flaws she finds (the gaps in her teeth, the odd curve of her ear, a freckle that's raised to high, or a zit that itches to be popped), the more she is convinced that the ugliness inside her, has begun to seep out.

***

There’s a cold dread lumped at the bottom of her stomach as she arrives at school the next day, knowing that facing Toni is inevitable. 

She thinks maybe God spared her when she sees no sign of the other girl… until third period arrives. 

It’s the only class they share together, English, and of course, Shelby just has to be seated in front of her. 

She gets to class early, as usual, and sets out to unpack her things. 

There are a few other students already in the room, chatting lazily about how much they hate Mondays. 

When the door swings open, Shelby doesn’t look up, but she knows it’s Toni by the way she walks haughtily to the desk behind Shelby, daring anyone to acknowledge her presents. 

Shelby tries not to listen as Toni unpacks her things, tries not to wonder about what she must be thinking. 

When the bell rings, she feels herself relax somewhat. She takes notes dutifully, listening to their teacher drone on about Mary Shelleys 'Frankenstein.’ 

Then there’s a tap on her shoulder. 

Shelby stiffens.

The tap comes again. 

“Hey.” Toni whispers.

Shelby ignores her. 

“Hey.” She says a little louder. 

With a sigh, Shelby turns around to face her. 

Her jaw clenches as they finally make eye contact for the first time since their kiss. Shelby hates the way her mind immediately reverts back to that night, and the way it felt to be pressed so close to the other girl. She hates the way her heart speeds up, and the way her words get caught in her throat. 

“What do you want?” Shelby finally manages. 

Toni looks momentarily taken aback by the harshness of Shelby’s tone. 

She narrows her dark eyes, “Could I borrow a pencil?”

Shelby blinks, “That’s all?”

Toni tilts her head, “Look Shelby I don’t know what you want me to-”

“Ahem,” their teacher says, drawing both of their attention towards him, “is there a problem ladies?”

Shelby forces a quick smile, “No sir, Toni here was just asking me for a pencil.”

He gives the two of them a stern look, before turning away to continue the lesson. 

Shelby pulls a pencil from her bag and hands it to Toni, not sparing her so much as a glance. 

She hears Toni scoffs as she turns away. 

“Now as you all are aware,” their teacher speaks, “Your essay analysis on Frankenstein is due three weeks from today-”

The entirety of the class groans.

“But-” he continues, “I have decided to show you all some grace, and allow you to work together on it with your row partner.”

Shelby’s heart drops to the floor. Her row partner is Toni. 

She clears her throat, “Is- is a partner required sir?”

Their teacher sighs, “Yes Miss Goodkind, and I encourage you to take advantage of that.”

Not long after, the bell rings, and Shelby packs up her things as quickly as possible. 

It isn’t quick enough apparently, because Toni still catches her arm on her way out the door, stopping her in her tracks. 

“We need to talk.” Toni says, and Shelby knows she doesn’t mean about the English paper. 

“No. We don’t.” Shelby says pointedly.

Toni throws her hands up in disbelieve, “Shelby, yes we fucking do. You can’t just k- you can’t just do that and then ignore me all weekend. Do you know how fucking-”

“Toni.” Shelby cuts her off, “There’s nothing to talk about.”

The shorter girl clenches her jaw, shoving her hands deeper into the pockets of her beat up Carhartt.

“Look, Shelby, I’m not going to sit here and lecture you about how fast you need to figure things out for yourself, but-”

Shelby grabs the collar of Toni’s jacket, her eyes widen.

“I know exactly who I am.” Shelby says, voice thick with a sudden anger, “And I don’t need you tryin’ to tell me we need to- to talk about things, that don’t even matter!”

Toni searches her face, eyebrows drawing together in a concerned line. 

“We were drunk, Toni. I was drunk. It didn’t mean anything! And we don’t have anything to talk about!” Shelby exclaims. 

Toni jerks away from her, an anger of her own evident on her tan face.

“Fine, Shelby. Fucking fine.”

She glares one more time at the blonde before spinning on her heel and walking away. 

Shelby watches her go, feeling more alone than she has in a long, long time.


	3. I Will Be

She slams the ball hard into the pavement, sending an echo out into the night. Basketball season doesn’t start until mid-winter, but Toni makes it a priority to keep up with the sport, not wanting to lose her spot as team captain (especially after her piss throwing incident two years prior). 

Not being close with many of her other team members, Toni often finds herself playing a game of one-on-one with Rachel. The pair meet up every Thursday night for a quick round, often venting to each other about whichever troubles are pestering them that day. 

Tonight, Toni feels especially frustrated, and taking it out on the court is what she does best. 

Rachel and Toni are a lot alike in some ways. Both are hard workers, and quick to jump into a fight, even when it often seems unnecessary. When they first met, Toni was fast to dismiss these similarities, not wanting to face the hard truth that seeing the same qualities you possess can look bad on another person. 

It didn’t take long for them to strike up an easy companionship though, after Toni realized they had a lot of good things in common as well. Their passion for sports being one of them.

“Fuck Toni,” Rachel huffs, squirting water into her mouth from a half empty bottle, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you play so hard.”

It’s not exactly true, Toni plays a lot more rough during an actual game. Against Rachel though? Toni usually dials it down a notch. Sure, the girl can hold her own on the court, but b-ball isn’t exactly her specialty. 

Toni wipes the beads of sweat from her forehead, dribbling the ball between her legs. “I know, I know,” she says, shooting the ball into the basket with a satisfying swish, “I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately.”

Rachel fetches her rebound, bouncing the ball up and down casually, “You know you can talk to me about it, right? Like, I know we aren’t close like you and Martha are, but I’m here for you.”

She sighs, “I know that… It’s just, I’m not really sure you’d understand.”

Rachel grins, “Try me.” She tosses Toni the ball, who instantly shoots, making another easy basket. 

“It’s fucking Shelby.” She admits, not really sure how much she’s willing to tell Rachel. 

The girl frowns, “I thought you two were like, on good terms now. What changed?”

Toni shrugs, fiddling with the ball in her hand, “Shit dude, I don’t even really know. Ever since Andrew's party last week… She acts like I’m a total fucking stranger.”

For a moment, Rachel considers her words, “I bet her shit-bag boyfriend has something to do with it. He’s always finding ways to keep her under his boot.”

“I don’t understand why the fuck she’s still with him,” Toni admits, “He treats her like crap.”

Rachel cocks an eyebrow, “Since when did you get so protective over Miss Texas?”

Toni scoffs, “I’m not protective over her. I just don’t think she should be hanging around with a guy that smells worse than the sloppy joe’s our school serves.” 

Rachel snatches the ball out of Toni’s hand and shoots. It spins around the rim three times before sinking in, and if Toni wasn’t so stuck in her head, she’d be pretty impressed by it. 

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a little jealous of Andy Boy.” Rachel grins cockily. 

Toni makes a face she hopes conveys how outlandish of an idea that is, “What? Me, jealous of Andrew? Ew, fuck no!”

Rachel lets out an amused giggle, obviously not believing a word coming out of Toni’s mouth. 

“Shelby is like, the straightest bitch I’ve ever met anyway,” Toni says, trying to further prove her point, “so even if I did like her, which I fucking don’t, it’d go fucking nowhere.”

“Chill T, I was only messing with you.” Rachel says, sensing the anger beginning to boil in the other girls chest. “You really think she’s straight though?”

That stops Toni in her tracks.

“I mean, yeah she has a boyfriend. Plus, any time someone mentions anything even a little bit gay she gets all weird about it.” Accompanied with the fact that Shelby is the most Jesus-loving chick Toni has ever come across, she initially thought the blonde was homophobic (one of the main reasons Toni disliked her when she first moved to Minnesota). After plenty of fights and explanations though, Shelby had told Toni the way she’d been raised had always called that way of life a sin. 

Shelby had promised her she herself didn’t believe it in the slightest, but Toni isn’t sure she buys it fully. Back when she’d been dating Regan, she often found Shelby shooting them a frown or a quick glare any time they held hands or kissed in the hallways. 

Toni knows deep in her heart Shelby only acted in such a way because it’s all she’s ever known, and Shelby has told her many times how hard she’s trying to get rid of such bad habits, but Toni can’t help feeling hurt everytime it happens. 

“Well, according to Fatin, Shelby is a raging homo.” Rachel says.

Toni snorts, “Fatin will do anything to turn a situation gay or sexual, I wouldn’t take what she says to seriously.”

“I dunno,” Rachel says, “She does kind of have a point. I mean, it’s obvious Shelby hates Andrew. And fuck, have you seen the posters in her room? That girl collects photos of modeling bitches like they’re baseball cards!”

This is news to Toni, who has never in her life been to Shelby’s house. She didn’t particularly want to spend her free time around her homophobic parents, and up until recently, Toni had never had any desire to hang out with Shelby outside of school. 

“That’s a huge fucking stretch Rach, Shelby’s whole life revolves around pageants, those posters are probably just people she looks up to. Y’know as like, beauty queen inspirations or some shit.” Toni tries. 

“Yeah, I guess you do have a point,” Rachel agrees.

The thing is though, she doesn’t. 

After Shelby had kissed her last week, everything Toni thought she knew about her had flown out the window. 

Shelby had told her it was just a drunk kiss, that it happened between plenty of girls and didn’t mean a thing; to just leave it for what it was and pretend it never happened. And the thing is, Toni would totally believe her, if it wasn’t for the fact she knew Shelby had been stone cold sober that night. 

***

Shelby is in the middle of eating dinner when she gets the text. Her phone buzzes against the dining room table where it lays, drawing the attention of the rest of her family. 

“Who’s textin’ you at this hour of the night?” Her mother asks.

Shelby sets down her fork, swallowing her bite of chicken roughly. She knows exactly who it is before she even flips her phone over to see. 

{TONI- hey, i know ur like, mad at me or whatever, but could we meet up to talk about this fucking essay? id rather not get a failing grade}

“Oh it’s- it’s no one, just a friend from school.” Shelby says, plastering a quick smile onto her face.

Dave looks expectantly at her, “Do we know this friend of yours?”

Shelby freezes. 

“Oh, well, no not exactly.” She says, “We really aren’t even that close.”

Mr. Goodkind raises an eyebrow, “You’re close enough to have their phone number.”

She can feel something like panic begin to stir in her belly. “Oh, we um, we’re working together on a school project, that’s why she texted me. She was uh, wondering when we could meet up to work on it.”

Dave sits back in his chair, chewing slowly before he questions, “She?”

Shelby’s chest tightens, “Yes sir. Like I said we aren’t even close- we’re just working together for school, that’s all.”

He seems to consider this before saying, “Why don’t you invite her over to work on it this weekend? Your mother and I would love to meet her.”

Her breath catches in her throat, anxiety forces its way through her veins. Shit shit shit.

“Sure thing Daddy.” Shelby manages, gripping the cross on her neck so tight it leaves a mark on her skin. 

Her fathers eyes darken, watching Shelby intently as she releases her necklace. “Aren’t you going to text her back? Wouldn’t want to keep her waiting, now would we?”

“No Daddy.”

She looks down at her phone.

{SHELBY- Meet me behind the school tomorrow morning.}

***

She arrives at school twenty minutes earlier than usual, hopefully giving herself enough time to explain to Toni what's going on. The sun is barely peeking over the horizon, and morning dew is still fresh on the grass, dampening Shelby’s shoes as she makes her way around the back of the building. 

It’s five minutes later by the time Toni finally rounds the corner, and Shelby has sufficiently begun to shiver from the cool air. 

“Finally.” Shelby mutters once Toni is in hearing distance.

Toni scowls, “Hey, not all of us can afford a car okay? I had to walk all the way from the other side of town to get here.”

Shelby smirks, “It’s not like you’d be a great driver anyway.”

“The fucks that supposed to mean?”

Shelby looks around, making sure no other students are nearby, “We need to talk.” She says, voice low. 

Toni’s shoulders relax, “I know Shelby, I’ve been trying to tell you that for the past week-”

She lets out a frustrated groan, “Not about that!” Shelby sighs, trying to control her voice, “Look, what happened last weekend- it was a mistake ok? I know- I know I kind of blew up on you-”

“That's an understatement.” Toni mumbles.

“-but I just, I’m not like you ok?” She says.

Toni looks up at her, the expression on her face is hard for Shelby to read, “What the fuck do you mean ‘not like you’?”

Realizing her mistake, Shelby rushes, “Oh Toni, you know I didn’t mean it like that! I just… We were drunk, and my emotions were all over the place and it just happened, ok? I know you think I need to talk about it, but Toni, it really didn’t mean anything.”

There’s a split second where something very similar to hurt flashes across Toni’s face. It makes Shelby’s heart ache. 

“Alright, fine. I don’t even give a fuck wether it meant anything or not Shelby,” Toni explains, “I only wanted to make sure you were ok. I thought- I thought you hated me or some shit.”

Her words confuse Shelby, because why would she hate Toni? It isn’t her fault Shelby kissed her… Okay, maybe it is, but not in that way- more like the ‘every time Shelby looks into Toni’s brown eyes she thinks she could get lost in them forever’ kind of way, rather than the ‘Toni forced her to kiss her’ kind of way. 

“I don’t hate you Toni.” She says quietly, finally meeting the other girl's gaze. 

Toni releases a shaky sigh, “So… we’re good?”

Shelby smiles, “Yeah, we’re good.”

The two of them are quiet for a moment, enjoying the sing-song melody of the morning birds as they carry out their daily routines. 

Then, “So um, about our essay..?” Toni asks.

Shelby shifts uncomfortably, “Yeah, my uh, my dad kind of saw your text last night.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Toni asks, one eyebrow raised. 

“No, not exactly,” Shelby says, “But he told me to invite you over for dinner this weekend… He wants to meet you.”

The shorter girls snorts, “Why the fuck does he want to meet me? Are you not allowed to work on a school project with someone your parents don’t know?”

“Something like that,” She says, “Back in Texas… There was an incident that happened with a close friend of mine. Ever since then my daddy’s been set on meeting all of my new friends.” It’s not a total lie, but it isn’t exactly the truth either. Still, Shelby feels like she owes Toni some sort of explanation as to why her father wants to meet her out of the blue.

Toni bites her bottom lip in thought. Shelby follows the motion briefly, then she mentally smacks herself in the face. No more of that, she thinks. 

“Sounds like a terrible time, but I guess I’ll come.” Toni finally says, “We need to get started on this fucking paper any how, we’re already a week behind because of you.”

Shelby can tell Toni is teasing her about the last part, but she still feels the need to say, “Sorry.”

Toni bobs her shoulders up and down, looking smaller than usual in her large jacket. “It’s no big deal Goodkind, just… talk to me next time, alright?”

“Will do.” She says with a smile, not knowing in the least bit what Toni means by ‘next time.’

***

When Toni arrives at the Goodkind residents the following day, she is immediately met with the strong sense that something is off. 

The house is big, located on the richer side of town. The lawn is cut straight and even, three cars are parked neatly on the driveway, and the garden is healthy and bright. 

Shelby greets Toni at the front door with a wide, well practiced smile, that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“You made it.” She says, “Come on in, Mama’s made supper.”

Toni glances at her, eyebrows raised in a silent question, but Shelby doesn’t look at her. Instead, she’s facing away, focusing hard on the wall in front of her. 

“Sounds good, I’m starving.” Toni says, trying to ease the tension visible on Shelby’s thin frame. 

She follows Shelby through the living room, down the hall, and into the kitchen. On her way, she can’t help but notice the embarrassing amount of bible quotes and cross symbols that decorate the walls. 

Shelby told her beforehand that her parents were a little… crazy, about the whole church thing, and while Toni believed her, it still feels like a bit of a shock to actually witness first hand just how obsessed they really are. 

As they enter the kitchen, the pleasant smell of grilled cheese fills Toni’s nostrils. She tries her best not to let the growling of her stomach be heard. 

“Well, howdy ho!” A man, who Toni assumes is Shelby’s father, greets as they enter, “You must be Miss Shalifoe.”

Toni smiles, straightening her posture as she shakes the man's outstretched hand, “Pleased to meet you Mr. Goodkind.”

He grins wide, thin lips spreading out across his tan face. Toni can’t help but be reminded of a snake. 

“You’ve got a firm grip.” Mr. Goodkind points out, finally releasing her. 

Toni smirks, “Yeah, I do a lot with my hands.”

Next to her, Shelby lets out a strained squeaking sound. “She’s uh, she’s captain of the basketball team, is what she means.”

“Oh, is that so?” Mr. Goodkind says, “I’d love to see you in action sometime. Me and Spence play ball from time to time too, don’t we son?”

The boy seated at the dining room table, Shelby’s little brother, looks up from his phone, “Yes sir.” He says, smiling curtly. 

Dave claps his hands together, “Well, now that we’ve exchanged pleasantries, why don’t you girls have a seat. Lunch is almost ready.”

They make their way to the table obediently, but Toni can’t help mutter to Shelby, “You’re dads a total sadist.”

Shelby glances at Toni, unable to help the small giggle that leaps from her chest. Being able to make her laugh again warms Toni’s chest, and she manages a quick smile. 

“Now, aren’t you just the cutest thing.” Mrs. Goodkind says, setting a plate of grilled cheese and tomato soup in front of Toni. 

Toni blushes, not sure what to make of the compliment.

Shelby speaks up, “Oh Mama, don’t flatter her. Her ego’s already the size of her head.”

“Hey!” Toni exclaims, nudging the girl affectionately, “You’re one to talk Miss Pageant Queen.” 

She stares up at Shelby, unable to help the way her eyes linger on her broad grin. 

Her expression softens, and for just a moment, Toni forgets how to breathe. 

Mr. Goodkind clears his throat, snapping Shelby’s attention away from her. “You girls best be getting started on your food, hm? Wouldn’t want it to go to waste, now would we?” His gaze lingers on Toni for a moment; she senses that she’s made a mistake somehow. That she’s failed a test she didn’t even know she’d been taking. 

Toni does as she’s told, a strange mix of anger and worry stirring in her gut. 

The rest of their meal passes by quickly, making small talk as they go. The more questions Shelby’s father asks her, the more Toni feels like she’s part of some experiment, like he’s trying to worm his way into her head and pull out the darkest things that reside there. 

Eventually, they clean up their plates, and Shelby announces it’s time for them to work on their essay. 

“Why don’t you two stay down in the living room to work?” Dave suggests, leaning back against the counter top, arms folded against his broad chest. 

Shelby’s eyelids flutter, “We were actually planning on working up in my room. It’s a lot quieter up there, we’ll be able to focus better.”

Toni looks from Shelby to her father, feeling as if she’s on the outside, looking in through the glass on a conversation she can’t quite hear.

“Well… Alright then, I suppose.” He glances at Toni, “No funny business though, right?”

Shelby shakes her head, “No sir.”

Toni lets Shelby drag her upstairs to her room. As soon as the door clicks shut behind them, Toni releases a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

“Jesus Christ,” Toni says, laughing a little uncomfortably, “I think your old mans out to get me.”

Shelby runs a hand through her long blonde hair, “I’m so sorry Toni, he- he just wants the best for me. He wants to make sure I’m hanging out with good people.”

Toni scoffs, “Andrew must be one hell of an actor then, if he can pass your dad's mind fuckery.”

Shelby gives her a stern look, “Andrew’s not all bad. He can be sort of sweet… sometimes.”

“Yeah, sure,” Toni snorts, “Whatever, let's just get started on this stupid paper.”

Shelby leads her to a large bed in the middle of the room. It’s piled up with plushies and pillows, and Toni finds herself wondering if Shelby actually sleeps with all of them, or if they’re layed out solely for the purpose of looking good. 

Toni settles into the bed next to Shelby, taking out her computer to start her research on the paper. 

The whole room smells like the blonde’s perfume. It’d actually be kind of sickening if Toni wasn’t so turned on by it. 

“Fuck Shelb, you really are a pillow princess, you know that?”

Shelby chuckles, “I think they’re cute. What does that even mean anyway? Pillow princess?”

The pair fall into easy conversation after that, working dutifully on their essay while simultaneously laughing about the small things in life. It’s then Toni realizes she’s never really hung out with Shelby before; it’s then she realizes she wants to hang out with Shelby all the time. 

Within the confinements of her room (and oh boy, Rachel was right about the amount of modeling photos on the wall), Toni feels herself relax into the soft mattress, forgetting where she is.

“Tired?” Shelby asks after a while. Through the window, Toni can see that the sun has begun to set in the distance. 

She yawns, “A little.”

Shelby sits up slightly, closing her laptop. Toni rolls over onto her stomach to get a better look at the girl.

“It’s getting late, I wouldn’t want to keep you past sundown.” Shelby grins, “You know how Martha gets when you stay out too late.”

Toni smiles, “True.”

Despite this, neither of them move.

“I missed you.” Toni admits, voice so soft she’s not even sure Shelby can hear her.

The blondes brow raises, as if Toni had just admitted a long kept secret to her.

“I missed you too.” Shelby tells her, “Fighting with you, really fighting… I hate it.”

Toni smiles at her earnestly, “Yeah, that kind of fucking sucked.”

It’s then Toni notices how close they are, and she hates the way her mind immediately travels back to that night in the bathroom. 

Shelby looks down at Toni, her pupils blown wide, though whether it’s from the dim light in the room, or from Toni, she doesn’t know. 

Toni licks her lips, her mouth feeling dry. Shelby’s eyes flicker down, following the motion of Toni’s tongue. Her heart beats faster in her chest, threatening to break free. 

“Toni I…” 

Shelby leans forward until the smooth skin of her forehead rests against Toni’s.

She gasps.

“Shelby.” She whispers, both out of confusion and frustration. Shelby’s perfume is intoxicating, and her lips are mere inches away from her own. It would be so easy to simply lean forward- to close the distance and-

“Toni I’m so scared.” Shelby says. Toni’s chest aches at the tremble in her voice. 

She swallows, “I know.”

Shelby blinks fervently, “I can’t.”

Toni releases a sigh, “It’s ok Shelby, you don’t have to.”

Then, green eyes are staring into Toni’s soul with so much passion she thinks it might kill her. 

“I want to.”

Toni swallows, biting down on her tongue to prevent herself from doing something she may regret. “Not here.”

Shelby reaches out, grabbing a hold of her arm, “Toni-”

There’s a sudden ding from behind her. The two girls jump apart, almost causing Toni to fall off the bed. 

Shelby’s face is bright red, her expression unreadable. 

“It’s just Marty,” Toni assures her, holding up her phone that had just gone off, “She uh, she wants me to come home.”

Shelby blinks rapidly, shaking her head as if regaining her senses, “Oh- oh yeah, alright then.”

Toni eyes her for a moment, “Are you good?”

She forces a smile, unable to quit meet Toni’s gaze, “I will be.”

Toni nods, taking one last glance at Shelby before packing up her things to leave, because for now, ‘I will be’ is good enough for her.


	4. Worth The Risk

They don’t talk about it after that night. 

In fact, a month passes by without a word being said about their almost kiss. 

The leaves on the trees slowly turn from a vivid green, to a bright orange that lights up the streets of the small suburban town. Shelby goes on to live her perfect christain life, with her perfect christian boyfriend, and Toni goes back to pretending her stomach doesn’t do summersaults any time the Texan says her name. 

It isn’t unbearable though, Toni actually prefers the simplicity of it all. Martha had once told her she was the most introverted extrovert she’d ever met, and though Toni had simply laughed it off at the time, it wasn’t like she could actually disagree with her. 

So as things fade back to normal, and the long school days bleed into one-another, Toni tries to keep her mind off Shelby Goodkind. 

But it’s not like being friends with Martha is making it any easier. 

The two of them are snuggled up together on the couch, watching some horror movie and trying to stay warm despite the cool October air. 

Toni’s head is tucked into the corner of Martha’s neck as she tries her best to pay attention to the film.

“Who are you talking to?” She finally asks, unable to stamp down her curiosity at who Martha could be texting so late at night.

Martha shrugs, “Just Shelby.”

Toni shifts her weight until she’s sitting up beside the other girl, “What about?”

“Oh you know, boy troubles.” Martha says casually. Actually no, Toni doesn’t know, because unlike most teenage girls, she’s never had ‘boy troubles’ in her entire life. 

“What, is she finally deciding to end things with Andy Griffith?” Toni snorts, amused. 

Martha rolls her eyes, “No, not yet, but I’m kind of starting to see your point about him being a bad boyfriend.”

Toni peaks her head over Martha’s shoulder, trying to get a better vantage point on her phone, “What makes you say that? He didn’t try anything with Shelby again, did he?”

With a shake of her head, Martha says, “Not that I know of. I- I don’t know if Shelby would want me telling you all her personal business.”

“The fuck do you mean? I’m her friend too.” Toni argues.

Martha sighs, “I know Toni, I never said you weren’t.”

“So it shouldn’t be a big deal if you tell me right? Hell, maybe I’ll even be able to help.” She tries. Okay, so maybe she’s coming off as a bit nosy, but can you really blame her?

Martha hesitates before answering, “Well… Shelby thinks Andrew might be cheating on her with Christa Finlay.”

Toni clenches her jaw, trying to hold herself back from punching a hole in the bedroom wall, “That fucking sleeze ball!” She exclaims, “I swear to fucking God Marty, the next time I see that dick I’m going to-”

“Woah woah woah, settle down!” Martha says, resting a calming hand on her shoulder, “We don’t even know for sure that he is, it could totally just be Shelby overthinking the situation.”

Toni crosses her arms, “Yeah well, even if he isn’t, I’m still gonna break his fucking skull the next time I’m within five feet of him.”

She only giggles. 

The sound of her friend's laughter manages to bring a small smile to Toni’s face, “You’re laughing now, but when I actually do you better be there on the sidelines cheering me on.”

“Oh, you know I will be.” Martha agrees, and then the two of them are both full on belly laughing at the prospect. 

Eventually they settle down and get back to the movie, though by now, Toni is fully lost on the plot (something about an evil clown from another dimension or whatever). 

Her eyelids have started to feel heavy when Martha asks, “How would you feel about going to a haunted house this weekend?”

“Who’s asking?” Toni counters.

“Shelby texted me this morning about it, I forgot about it until just now.” Martha explains. 

Toni chuckles at the idea of a prim and proper Shelby screaming her head off at some cheesy Halloween carnival. “Why on earth would she invite us to a haunted house?”

“Because it’s fun, Toni, duh.” Martha says matter of factly, “All the other girls will be there too. I think we should go.”

“Hanging out with your friends while you all scream the night away doesn’t really sound like my idea of fun. I’d much rather stay home and watch Netflix.”

“They’re your friends too, Toni. Plus it’s been a long time since we’ve all hung out together. You’re coming.” She says. 

Toni groans, “Fine, whatever, but when one of you pisses your pants over some zombie puppet, I’m not going to be the one helping you clean it up.”

***

That Saturday, Toni reluctantly allows Martha to drag her out onto the Blackburn’s front porch to wait for Shelby to come pick them up for their ‘spooky extravaganza’ or whatever Fatin had called it the day before. 

On brand as always, Shelby rolls up exactly on time, country music on full blast inside her car. 

“Fucking dork.” Toni tells her as she climbs into the passengers seat, earning herself a cheerful grin from Shelby, and a warning glare from Martha in the rearview mirror. 

“Nice to see you too, Sweetpea.” Shelby says, and Toni tries her best to ignore the way it makes her cheeks flush. 

“What time are the others meeting us there?” Martha asks about five minutes into the drive. 

“Dottie said they left a little earlier, so unless Fatin makes them pull over to pee, we should be there around the same time.” Shelby answers.

As Martha and Shelby make small talk, Toni takes a few minutes to scroll through her phone, trying to pass the time. Eventually she grows a little carsick, and decides looking out the window is a better option. 

“You alright?” Shelby asks, glancing at the girl beside her.

Toni nods, not looking away from the rolling hills just outside the car, “Yeah, feeling a little nauseous is all.”

“Want me to drive slower?” Shelby offers.

She turns to look at her, “It’s fine, Shelb, no big deal.”

Martha butts in, “Yeah, Toni’s just trying to find something to complain about.”

“Oh fuck off Marty.” Toni scoffs, not really angry at all.

Shelby, who isn’t used to their constant teasing of one another, asks, “You mean you didn’t want to come?” Her eyebrows are drawn together in a way that would’ve been cute if she didn’t look so worried.

Before Toni can respond, Martha says, “Nah, Toni’s just a secret scaredy-cat.”

She whips around to face the other girl, “I am not!”

Martha chuckles, “Oh yeah? What about all those times you had to sleep with me during a storm, because you were scared the boogie monster was going to eat your toes?”

Shelby giggles, which does not help the situation in any way. 

“I was like ten Marty!” Toni exclaims.

“My point still stands.” Martha says smugly. 

Shelby reaches out, resting her hand on Toni’s thigh, “You’ve got nothin’ to worry about,” she says, a teasing lilt to her voice, “me and Marty B. here will keep you safe, I promise.”

Toni crosses her arms, doing her best to glare at both Shelby and Martha, “Fuck both of you, honestly.”

“You wish.” Shelby smirks, patting Toni’s leg.

Toni sticks her pointer finger down her throat in an exaggerated gagging motion, but the fact that Shelby hasn’t pulled her hand away from Toni’s thigh yet kind of distracts her from any more snide remarks. 

Shelby’s touch clouds her brain, and if Toni could actually form a coherent thought other than ‘girl, hot girl, hot girl is touching my leg, omg what do I do’ she’d probably slap herself in the face for being so pathetic. 

When the length of a full Dolly Parton song goes by, and Shelby still hasn’t moved her hand, Toni starts to panic. Friends don’t do this do they? Martha’s never done it to her, that’s for sure. 

Fatin makes a lot of physical contact though, so maybe that’s just what Shelby’s doing (Fatin also doesn’t kiss Toni, completely sober, in her boyfriend's bathroom though, so honestly she can’t be totally sure).

She feels Shelby’s thumb rub up and down on Toni’s faded blue jeans, as though she’s trying to soothe the inner turmoil happening in her head right now. 

Finally scooping up the courage, Toni turns to face her.

As soon as she does, Shelby pulls her hand away, announcing, “Oh Lord, I love this song!”

There’s a split second where Toni feels a mixture of both disappointment and relief, before Shelby reaches for the radio and turns the volume up so loud Toni can feel the beat in her chest. 

It’s another Taylor Swift song (of fucking course it is), and Shelby and Martha are singing it together, Martha’s untrained vocals clashing terribly with Shelby’s well trained one. 

Toni simply laughs along, loving the broad grins spread across both her friends faces. 

‘He can't see the smile I'm faking  
And my heart's not breaking  
'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all  
And you were wild and crazy  
Just so frustrating, intoxicating  
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now’

Shelby sings the lyrics with such passion, Toni wouldn’t be surprised if she listened to it at least once a day. 

Then the music switches to a softer key, and Shelby is looking right at her, and Toni’s heart really shouldn’t be beating so fast right now, but it is. 

‘I miss screaming and fighting  
And kissing in the rain  
It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name  
I'm so in love that I acted insane  
And that's the way I loved you  
Breaking down and coming undone  
It's a roller-coaster kinda rush  
And I never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh  
And that's the way I loved you oh, oh  
Never knew I could feel that much  
And that's the way I loved you’

Realistically, Toni knows she isn’t singing to her- that Shelby’s simply having fun and putting herself into the roll of the heartbroken singer- but the way she points her finger right at her, belting the lyrics like her life depends on it, Toni can’t help but wonder (can’t help but wish), if she meant it for her. 

***

With the sun setting earlier and earlier each day, it’s dark out by the time the trio arrives. 

The rest of the girls are already there waiting for them, and they all make their way through the long line to purchase their tickets.

“I am so ready to get the shit scared out of me.” Fatin grins.

Dot snorts, “I’m so ready to watch you get the shit scared out of you.”

Fatin pouts, “You and Leah will be there to protect me though, won’t you?”

Leah cocks an eyebrow, “Don’t drag me into this, I’m only here for the snacks.” (Toni couldn’t agree more) 

Before they head into any of the actual attractions, the eight of them decide to waste a few bucks on over-priced carnival food. 

“Shit.” Shelby mutters as they stand in line.

“What’s the matter?” Nora asks.

Shelby looks up, an embarrassed look on her face, “I only brought enough cash to buy my ticket. I think I’ll just sit this one out.”

Toni pipes up, “I got paid last Wednesday, I’ll just buy it for you.”

The whole group turns to collectively stare.

“Since when do you give out free charity?” Fatin asks, “And what do I have to do to get in on it- because there’s this pair of killer heels my parents won’t-”

“You really don’t have to.” Shelby assures her, “I probably shouldn’t be eatin’ greasy food anyways.”

Toni snorts, “Live a little Shelby, one hot dog won’t kill you.”

“Still-”

“Shut up Blondey, I’m buying you some shit food and that’s that.” Toni says, hoping Shelby won’t protest any further. 

She opens her mouth again, as if to argue, but the line moves forward and before she can, Toni orders for the both of them. 

The girls find a picnic table big enough to seat all of them and fall into boisterous conversation, munching on hot dogs, and funnel cakes, and cotton candy as they do. 

Fatin takes a large bite of her elephant ear, her eyes rolling back in her head, “Uhg, this is almost as good as having an orgasm.”

Rachel laughs, turning to her sister, “Remind me again why I ever wanted to stop eating this crap?” she says, chomping down on her funnel cake.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.” Shelby says quietly, making eye contact with Toni, “Buy me food, I mean.”

Toni shoves her off nonchalantly, “It’s no big deal Shelby, I wanted to.”

The blonde tilts her head, “Why?”

She pauses, “Hell, I dunno. You’re my friend, of course I’d buy you shit.”

Shelby frowns for a moment, like that hadn’t been the answer she was hoping for. 

Soon after they finish their meal, and go about finding which attraction to visit first. After some slight bickering between Rachel and Leah, they decide on the haunted maze.

“Please,” Dot says as they make their way down the narrow pathway, each side surrounded by corn stocks, obscuring their view, “this one is for pussy’s, the North side of town is scarier than this crap.”

“You’ve just gotta keep an open mind, Dottie.” Shelby tells her, “It ain’t fun if you don’t believe in it.”

“What does that even mean?” Rachel asks.

“It means,” Nora says, “that you have to let yourself get scared, otherwise coming here was pointless.”

Rachel rolls her eyes, “Yeah well, maybe if this place actually-”

There’s a sudden snapping from behind the group, causing Rachel to jump forwards with an embarrassing squeak. 

Fatin bursts out laughing, “Relax Fish-Stick, it was only me!”

She releases a shaky breath, “Fuck you, Fatin!” 

“Chill dude,” Dot grins, “We aren’t even halfway through, we can’t have you pussying out now.”

As they continue through the maze, Toni begins to notice how far away from the carnival they’ve gotten. 

“Hey guys,” she says, “are we going the right way?”

Dot shrugs, “Who knows man, these things are built to disorient you on purpose.”

“Yeah,” Leah agrees, “I’m actually surprised we haven’t run into anyone else yet.”

Martha nods, “It seems like we should’ve at least seen one of the actors by now.”

Right on que, there’s another rustle in the rows of corn behind them.

Rachel spins around, “I swear to fucking God Fatin, if you’re trying to scare me again, it’s not going to work.”

Fatin throws her hands up in the air, “Woah, simmer bitch. It wasn’t me this time!”

“Alright, who was it then?”

Martha grabs a hold of Toni’s sleeve, “Uh, guys? Who’s that?”

They all turn in the direction of where Martha is pointing. Toni streins her eyes in the dim light, until she finally makes out a tall figure in the distance. 

Dot shifts uncomfortably, “It’s just some dude in a costume trying to scare us.”

Shelby takes a half step towards Toni, “Yeah uh, but he looks like he’s comin’ towards us pretty fast.”

Right as the words leave her mouth, the sound of a chainsaw roars to life, and the figure in the distance begins sprinting full speed at the group of girls. 

“Run!” Rachel screams, “Run! Run! Run!”

Dot grabs on to Leah and Fatin, “You heard the woman! Move bitches!”

Toni sprints away as fast as she can, trying not to trip on the slippery mud path, while simultaneously attempting to avoid getting hit in the face by a stray corn stock. 

“I’m too young to die!” She can hear Fatin shout, “I haven’t even reached 40k followers on Instagram yet!”

The hum of the chainsaw behind Toni only makes her pump her legs faster. In the back of her mind, there’s a voice telling her it’s all fake- that it’s just some grimy teenager chasing them with a loud toy and a dollar store mask, but the adrenaline of a stranger running after her in the middle of the night is enough to shove those thoughts away.

“I see the exit!” Dot yells, gesturing wildly to the bright carnival lights shining through the thicket. 

When they emerge from the maze, all eight of them collapse to the ground in an out of breath heap.

“Lord,” Shelby heaves, “maybe those spin classes my daddy teaches really do come in handy.”

Dot places a hand on her shoulder, “Hey,” she huffs, “sign me up… for the next… session… I’m way to outta shape for this.”

Leah collapses into Fatins lap, “Me too.”

Eventually they catch their breath, hoisting each other off the ground and wiping the dirt from their clothes. 

They go to a few different small attractions together- such as the haunted hayride and the carousel of ghouls- before Martha, Nora, and Rachel decide to take a break and grab more snacks. 

“Who needs those cowards anyway?” Fatin says once they’re gone, “We’ve still got the whole night ahead of us, and I plan on making the most of it.”

Leah tilts her head, “I didn’t know you were such a horror nut.”

The other girl smirks, “I’m not, but if I waste my precious coin on some quality time with you freaks, you better bet I’m getting my fair share of it.”

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?” Toni asks.

“If you want it to be.” Fatin winks.

“Okay.” Dot says with a clap of her hands, “Where to next, guys?”

“Well,” Fatin says, “I don’t know about you all, but the house of mirrors sounds pretty damn appealing.”

Leah scoffs, “You just like looking at your reflection.”

“Please babe,” she smirks, “if you looked like me, you would too.” She stares Leah up and down, “Not that you’re missing out on much as far as the looks department goes.”

“Ladies, ladies,” Dot interrupts, “as entertaining as your flirting is-”

“We weren’t flirting.” Leah says.

“Sounded like flirting to me.” Toni mumbles.

“Whatever you want to call it, I’ve had enough.” Dot sighs, “Now are we going or what?”

“Actually,” Shelby pops in, “I’d really like to go through the actual haunted house. It’s on my bucket list.” 

“Leave it up to you to want to go on the most cliche attraction here.” Toni smirks. 

Shelby smiles sweetly, “Why don’t you come with me and see if it actually lives up to the hype?”

“Alright,” Dot says, “you two can go do your thing, me, Fatin, and Leah can do ours. We’ll all meet up at the hot dog stand in an hour, sound good?”

After that’s settled, Toni follows Shelby as she leads them to a large barn-esque structure on the edge of the property. Adults with crying children and squealing teenage girls come in and out of the building, all looking either absolutely terrified, or slightly amused.

“You know,” Shelby says, “this is supposed to be one of the scariest haunted houses in the state.”

“Probably why I’ve never heard of it.” Toni jokes, earning an eye roll from the other girl.

There’s music playing from some obscure location as they make their way down the winding corridors, adding an extra layer of creepy to the already spooky atmosphere. 

“Was uh, Martha serious about you bein’ a scaredy-cat earlier?” Shelby asks, sounding a bit nervous as she glances warrily around the dingy hallway. 

“I mean, I did use to have freakish nightmares about thunderstorms.” Toni admits, “But other than that, all this Halloween shit’s never really had any affect on me.”

Shelby smiles softly, “It’s kinda cute, you know.”

Toni looks at her, “Huh?”

She bites her bottom lip (Toni tries not to stare), “You bein’ scared of storms when you were little.”

“Yeah well, my mom used to always be there to calm me down when I was a kid… After she went haywire though, there was never really anyone there to keep me from having a total breakdown.” She explains. 

She isn’t quite sure why she’s telling all this to Shelby, and in a haunted house of all places, but it feels good to finally have it off her chest- to be open and vulnerable towards another person.

“Didn’t you have Martha?” Shelby asks slowly, like she’s scared Toni may run away if she presses too hard.

Toni smiles down at her feet, “Yeah, Marty’s been there for me through thick and thin, y’know? I’m not sure where I’d be without her… Probably dead in a ditch somewhere. Or locked up in rehab like my mom.” She isn’t sure which situation sounds worse.

They continue their way through the dimly lit room, jumping slightly any time an animatronic or an actor in a costume jumps out to startle them. 

They’ve reached a calmer part of the attraction when Shelby says, “When I was real young, I was always terrified of the water.”

Toni laughs, “No way, don’t you like, lifeguard in the summers?”

Shelby grins, “Yup, I’m not spooked any more, but when I was little swimmin’ in the pool- or swimmin’ anywhere really- scared the living daylights outta me.”

She tries to imagine baby Shelby all the way down in Texas, clad in her floaties and flippers, terrified to jump in the water. Toni can almost hear her whisper a short prayer to God so sharks don’t eat her while she swims. The thought brings a smile to her lips. 

“How’d you get over it?” Toni asks.

Shelby makes a face, “My daddy had enough of my whining one day, so he just threw me in and hoped for the best.”

“The fuck Shelby, you could’ve drowned.”

She pushes away Toni’s concern, “Well I didn’t, so…”

The pair is silent for a while after that, both unsure what to say. It’s the first time the two of them have been alone in over a month, and to say it’s a little awkward would be an understatement. 

After a particularly scary part of the tour, one that leaves Shelby clinging tightly to Toni’s arm, she admits, “You know, I wanted to just come here with you tonight?”

“You mean like, alone?” Toni asks, dumfounded. 

Shelby smiles bashfully, “Yeah. I didn’t figure you’d say yes though so I asked Marty to invite you and the other girls along too.”

Toni blinks a few times, unsure how to respond. Did Shelby just admit to wanting to ask her out on a date?

“I know it’s silly,” Shelby says quickly, “but I saw the flyers for it at school and, I dunno, I thought you might have fun.”

“I am,” Toni tells her, “having fun, I mean. I am.” She’s surprised to find her words are true. 

Shelby practically beams at her. Toni watches for a moment as she struggles to put on a straight face. It makes her stomach flip-flop. 

“So uh, would you be opposed to ever, I don’t know, hanging out again? Just you ‘n me?” The blonde asks, blinking hopefully down at Toni.

“What about Andrew?” She asks. Would he not be mad about Shelby spending time with the resident gay girl?

Shelby frowns, “What about him?”

“I mean, he’s your boyfriend, right?” 

“He’s cheatin’ on me.” Shelby says, not even attempting to sound upset about it, “With Christa.”

“Are you going to break up with him?” Toni asks. 

Shelby sighs, “I’m not sure honestly. My daddy he- if I broke up with Andrew he’d start catchin’ on that I’m- that I’m not…”

Toni looks at her patiently, reaching out to grab her hand in hopes that it brings any sort of comfort. 

She huffs, “I know I’ve said before that I’m not… like that. But I think- Toni before I moved here, my friend Becca we- I-”

“Shelby.” Toni says. The girl stops her broken ramble, looking straight into Toni’s eyes, “It’s okay if you don’t have it totally figured out yet.”

“I know that.” Shelby tells her, “I just- it’s going to be bad, Toni. If my parents ever find out it’s gonna be real bad.”

Toni chews on the inside of her cheek, “And that’s why you can’t break up with Andrew, right? ‘Cuz he’s your cover up.”

Shelby nods slowly as all the pieces fall into place. 

“Well if all things turn to shit,” Toni says after a long moment of silence, “you’ll have seven of the craziest bitches on earth ready to back you up. Myself included.”

A grateful smile crosses her features, “I’m countin’ on it.” 

The rest of the night goes by in a blur, filled with Shelby’s laughter and Fatins crude jokes and Rachel's pretentious attitude. 

As they drive through the winding country roads, the only source of light being from the headlights on Shelby’s car, Toni thinks about the blondes' offer of more alone time spent together. 

Martha is passed out in the back seat, the radio is playing quietly in the background. 

Toni glances at the girl beside her. It would be risky, sure. If Shelby’s father ever found out, Toni isn’t sure what he’d do. 

But she does know that she likes Shelby, and that Shelby just might like her too. 

So for now, Toni is willing to take a few risks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If yall have any requests for future chapters lemme know in the comments, I'd love to see what ya'll come up with


	5. Something Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters basically just fluff. Hope u enjoy

October ends and November begins, bringing with it cool afternoons and even colder nights. Posters adorn the school hallways for sports tryouts and the winter formal that’s held the next month. 

Students chat during passing time about their Thanksgiving plans or who they’ll invite as their date to the dance. Toni tries not to let it bother her- the fact that she’ll probably be spending the holidays alone- and instead focuses her attention on making it onto the basketball team. 

She knows she will, and it’s not even that she’s cocky about it. Toni is great at the sport and that’s a fact. 

What she’s worried about though, is if she’ll make team captain again. 

So, she stays after school for an extra hour each day, practicing so hard, that by the time she finishes, her legs feel like jelly and her lungs burn. 

After one particularly hard practice session, Toni gathers up her things and heads for the front doors of the school gymnasium.

She’s met with a gust of freezing wind as soon as she steps outside. She breathes out a curse as she zips up her worn out jacket, but it does little to protect her from the harsh winter weather. 

“Of fucking course.” Toni mutters, staring into the sky as thick snowflakes begin to fall from it, dusting the ground in a soft layer white. On a normal day, Martha or Mrs. Blackburn would be there to pick her up from practice. Today however, one of Martha’s little sisters just happened to have a dance recital. 

Toni sighs, having no choice but to accept the fact that she’ll have to walk three miles home in nothing but her basket ball shorts. 

She jams her ball into her mostly empty bag and slings it over her back, then begins her trek through the parking lot, trying her best not to slip on the ice that covers the blacktop. 

There aren’t many cars in the parking lot, so Toni doesn’t bother looking both ways as she goes on her way. 

Which is probably why she almost slams head first into the front of Shelby’s Subaru as she pulls up next to her. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!” Toni shouts at her as Shelby scrambles out of her car. 

“Me? You’re the one who ran into the dang thing!” Shelby argues. 

“I didn’t fucking see you!” She grumbles, rubbing her shoulder where it hit Shelby’s side mirror. 

“How the hell did you not notice a car coming right at you?” 

Toni rolls her eyes, “Fuck off Shelby, what are you even doing here so late anyway? Won’t your daddy be worried about his precious baby girl being out in the wilderness, unsupervised?”

Shelby huffs, “I have bible studies after school every Wednesday, if you must know.”

“Of course you do.” Toni says sarcastically. 

“And I was drivin’ towards you,'' Shelby continues, “Because it looked like you could use a ride.” She looks Toni up and down, “You aren’t exactly dressed for the weather.”

It’s almost laughable how quickly her words change Toni’s foul mood. 

“I’ll be fine Princess.” Toni tells her. Truthfully, she does want to take Shelby up on her offer. There are two things stopping her though. One, she lives on the opposite side of town, and dropping Toni off would take Shelby way off course; two, she has no idea what Shelby is going to think about Toni’s foster home. Hell, Toni isn’t even sure Shelby knows she’s a foster kid at all. 

The Texan shakes her head, blonde ponytail swishing back and forth, “I’m not taking no for an answer Short Stack, you’re comin’ with me and that’s final.”

Toni takes in the area around her, noticing how much snow has fallen already. 

Shelby hops in her car, then pokes her head out the window, “Let’s get going already, I’m freezing my tail off here!”

Toni rolls her eyes, but climbs into the passenger's seat nonetheless. 

“Christ, you need a bath.” Shelby says as they roll out of the parking lot, her nose wrinkling.

She feels her face flush with embarrassment at the realization that she hadn’t taken a shower after her practice session. “Yeah well, if I’d have known Little Miss Perfect was picking me up today I would’ve applied some extra deodorant.”

Shelby smiles at her, “I’m teasin’ you Toni, you only smell a little worse than usual.”

“Fuck you.” Toni groans, but there’s a grin threatening to break through the corners of her mouth. 

“So,” Shelby asks, “am I takin’ you to Marty’s?”

Toni shifts awkwardly, “No uh, my place actually.”

Shelby looks away from the road to glance at her, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen your house. Where is it?”

Toni breaks eye contact with her, feeling rather embarrassed (which is stupid, because if it were anyone else she wouldn’t have a problem telling them where she lives), “The other side of town… In the trailer park. Live there with my foster fam.”

“Oh.” Shelby says simply. Toni doesn’t have to see her face to know she’s wearing an expression of pity, the same one people always give her when she tells them about her sucky living conditions. 

Shelby types Toni’s address into the GPS built in on the car's dashboard, and carries on her way. Toni tries not to pay attention to how the houses slowly get crummier and crummier as they drive down the long dirt roads. 

“Lord, this weather is a nightmare.” Shelby says after a while. 

Toni nods, saying nothing. 

Another moment of silence passes before Shelby speaks again. 

“I uh, didn’t know you were a foster kid.”

With a clench of her jaw, Toni replies, “Yeah well, it’s not really something I go around telling the average Joe.”

“I didn’t mean-” Shelby sighs, “I just find it odd that I’ve known you for three years and somehow it’s never come up.”

Toni shrugs, “It’s not your fault I don't like talking about my crappy home life.”

“Never said it was.” Shelby says tersely, “It just… Made me realize how little we actually know about each other, y’know?”

“Please,” Toni scoffs, “I know plenty about you.”

“Oh yeah?” Shelby challenges, “What’s my favorite color?”

She pauses, “Pink?”

Shelby smirks, “Dandelion yellow.”

Toni laughs, allowing herself to relax into the leather seat beneath her, “What, is normal yellow not good enough for you?”

The pair go one like that for a while, trading questions back and forth, and laughing everytime one of them answers wrong. 

There’s a lull in the conversation when Shelby asks, “Are you hungry?”

Toni cocks an eyebrow, “I’m not sure how that’s going to help you get to know me better.”

“I’m serious, Toni.” She says.

“I mean, I guess.” Toni replies, “I’ll probably just eat whatever I can scrounge up at home.” Only she won’t, because her foster mom hasn’t gone grocery shopping in two weeks, and the only food they have in the cupboard is expired bean soup. 

Shelby grips the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turn white. “Would you um, want to go grab some food?”

Toni’s eyes flick towards her, “I don’t have my wallet on me.”

“I’ll pay.” She says a little too quickly, “As uh, revenge for last month.”

Toni smirks, “Are you asking me out on a date, Goodkind?”

She’s expecting some sort of fumbling response, or a scoff followed by, ‘in your dreams.’ 

Which is why when Shelby stares right at her and replies, “Yes I am,” Toni’s smug grin slips away. 

“Oh,” Toni manages to squeak out, “Ok, cool.”

Shelby sucks in her bottom lip, trying and failing to keep a smile from forming, “Yeah, very cool.”

Her admission brings a string of questions to the forefront of Toni’s mind. How long has Shelby been planning this? What will happen if her father ever finds out? Is Toni really about to go out on a date with the hottest girl in school, wearing nothing but her sweaty basketball uniform?

The only questions she actually ends up asking is, “Where are we going?”

“There’s a real nice diner just outside of town,” Shelby says, “We’ll be able to eat there without anyone noticing us.”

Her green eyes widen briefly, “Not that I’m ashamed or anything. Because I am N-O-T, not.” She rushes, “I only meant I don’t want us to-”

“It’s fine Shelby.” Toni assures her, watching the tension fall from the other girls shoulders, “Wherever you want to go, I’m cool with it.”

Shelby releases a breath, smiling gratefully at her, “Thanks.”

Toni tilts her head, “For what?”

“I dunno, goin’ along with all this,” she gestures vaguely between them, “For not leavin’ me even when I was bein’ a total dick to you after Andrews party. For bein’ patient while I figure this all out.”

“Anytime,” Toni smiles softly, giving Shelby’s hand a light squeeze, “That’s what I’m here for.”

The diner is exactly how one would imagine any cliche eatery you’d find in some teenage sitcom. It’s small and dainty, tucked away in the middle of nowhere, a glowing neon sign on the front door being the only indication that the place is still up and running. 

There are only a few other people inside, Toni notices, as she and Shelby take a seat at a booth nearest to the front window: An older couple mingling quietly in one corner of the room, while the other is a gruff looking man, who Toni suspects is the one who drives the motorcycle parked outside. 

The inside is decorated vintage-60s style, fit with a colorful jukebox and records of the country’s top 100 classic hits. 

“This place is actually pretty groovy.” Toni admits as she scans through the menu.

Shelby hums, “I’ve been here a few times with Dottie and Fatin. I figured you’d like it.”

Toni looks at her over the top of the menu. Had Shelby really thought about doing this that much? To the point where she thought about places to take Toni, even when she wasn’t around her?

The doors leading into the kitchen swing open as a stout looking woman approaches them, decked out in a light blue waitressing uniform. 

“What can I get you two ladies tonight?” She asks, chomping down on a piece of gum. 

The pair orders their food, and not long after it arrives- still steaming. 

Toni digs in straight away, not having eaten since lunch almost five hours before. 

Shelby giggles, “Slow down or you’ll get the hiccups.”

“Youf woh fafs a mif rife?” Toni says, her mouth still full of soggy french fries. 

The girl in front of her only laughs harder, gazing at Toni so fondly she can’t help but join her. Beneath the table, Shelby hooks their legs together, sending shivers up Toni’s bare calves. 

They eat the rest of their meal like that- with Toni shoveling food down her throat, and Shelby scolding her about being so messy- and it’s the lightest Toni has felt in a long time. 

All too soon their meal is over, and Shelby insists on paying the bill (not that Toni can do much about it, seeing as she doesn’t have any cash on her). 

The ride back to Toni’s house is filled with giggling and cheesy Christmas music. No matter how hard she tries to keep the stoic persona she’s always set on displaying, Toni just can’t help the way she bursts out laughing when Shelby attempts at serenading her ‘All I want for Christmas is you.’

When they finally pull up to the trailer park, Shelby’s cheeks are rosy from laughing, and Toni’s face hurts from grinning for so long. 

“Looks like this is me.” Toni says when they’ve both stamped down their giggles. 

Shelby’s face relaxes solemnly, “Want me to walk you to the door?”

“Uh, yeah sure, if you want.” Toni nods, feeling self conscious all of a sudden. 

The road to Toni’s foster home isn’t far, but the two of them walk a tad slower than need be, not wanting the night to end just yet. 

Toni rubs her palms together, trying to keep them warm.

Shelby apparently takes notice of this and asks, “Are your hands cold?”

“A little.” She admits. 

Shelby reaches out for Toni’s wrist, lingering there for a moment before slowly dragging her hand down and entwining their fingers together. 

“Better?” She asks. 

Toni blinks up at her, taking notice of how the snowflakes falling from the dark sky have dusted Shelby’s long eyelashes. She looks so cozy in her puffy winter coat- if Toni weren’t such a munch, she’d even call it cute. 

“Yeah.” Toni says, feeling warmth in more places than just her hand. 

Shelby still doesn’t let go of her, even when they’ve reached the front door of Toni’s trailer. Neither of them move for a moment, so Toni risks a glance at Shelby, only to find the other girl already staring back at her.

Toni takes in the soft expression on her face- the bridge of her upturned nose, the curve of her jaw, the way her eyelids flutter nervously when Toni sneaks a look at her full lips. 

“Can I kiss you?” Shelby whispers. 

Toni gasps.

“Yes,” she breathes, “Please.”

Shelby’s kiss is even better than Toni remembers. It’s shy at first, her lips curious as they explore Toni’s own. Then Toni reaches up to cup Shelby’s cheeks, and soon enough they are making out against the side of the trailer, the bitter cold nipping at their noses. 

Their breath clouds around their faces as they breathe into one another, and it’s almost too much and not enough, all at the same time. 

Shelby brushes her fingertips through Toni’s hair, down the sides of her face and neck, coming to rest at her shoulders, where she pulls desperately at the fabric of her jacket. 

Toni wraps her arms around Shelby’s back, pulling her as close as she can and then some, as if the possibility that any air at all could pass between them might kill her. 

Right as Toni is about to suggest they take this inside, Shelby pulls away from her lips in favor of resting her forehead against Toni’s.

“I have to get going.” Shelby huffs, her voice low and raspy. 

Toni tries not to whine as Shelby presses a chaste kiss to her lips before pulling away fully. 

“I’ll uh, I’ll see you tomorrow?” Toni asks hopefully, straightening herself against the wall Shelby had just been pushing her up against moments ago. 

Shelby smiles bashfully, “See you tomorrow.”

Toni grins, wide and dopey, “Goodnight Shelby.”

“Goodnight Toni.”

And then she is driving out of the trailer park, and Toni is left standing dumbly in the snow, the only coherent thought running through her brain being, ‘Damn does that girl know how to kiss.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, hope yall liked it. Make sure to leave a comment about what u'd like to see in future chapters


	6. Heart Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters pretty chill, mostly just filler. I promise better stuffs coming soon tho, schools just burning me out ;-;

Mrs. Blackburn drops Toni and Martha off early to school the next day, landing them an extra ten minutes to do whatever they please before the morning bell rings. 

That morning, Toni had gotten the call back that, yes, she’d be allowed to join the basketball team as captain this year. To say she’s a little psyched out would be an understatement. 

“It’s gonna be a great day Marty, I can feel it.” Toni grins, an extra pep in her step. 

Martha gives her a sideways glance, “Someone woke up on the right side of the bed. Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

Toni laughs, nudging her playfully, “What, am I not allowed to just be happy for once?”

“Not without good reason.” Martha squints at her, “What did you do? Even for getting on the team, you’re unusually peppy.”

Toni rolls her eyes, “Nothing, God!”

“Ayo!” A voice shouts from down the hallway. Toni spins around to see Fatin waving towards them, the rest of their friends not far behind, “You aren't using the lord's name in vain over there, are you?”

Toni raises her hands in defeat as the two girls make their way to the others. 

“Yeah,” Dot snorts, “Don’t let the Virgin Mary over here know you’re talking like that.”

Shelby rolls her eyes, but there’s a cheesy grin spread across her face. 

Toni’s heart leaps into her throat. The two of them haven’t spoken since their kiss last night, and nothing could have prepared her for the complete and utter nervousness that wracks her body when Shelby then turns her piercing green gaze onto Toni. 

“Hey.” Toni greets her, making an effort to stand up a little straighter. 

Shelby brushes down the front of her blouse, fixing wrinkles that weren’t even there to begin with, “Hey,” she smiles softly.

They make eye contact for a moment, before Shelby quickly averts her gaze towards her shoes, a light shade of pink dusting her cheeks. 

Watching her fiddle with the straps of her bag causes Toni’s heart to practically melt in her chest with the sheer adorableness of it all, and to know she herself is the cause of it, makes it that much better. 

“Earth to Shoni, earth to Shoni.” Fatin waves in between them, causing Toni’s head to snap towards her.

“What the fuck is Shoni?” She asks with a snarl.

“It’s your ship name.” Nora says simply.

Dot leans back against a nearby locker, “I still think Goodfoe sounds cooler.” She mutters. 

“What the fuck is a ship name?” Rachel asks. 

“You know, where you smash two peoples names together? It’s couples shit.” Fatin grins, “Ours is Leatin.” She says, wrapping an arm around Leah.

She blushes, shoving Fatin away from her, “We are not calling ourselves that. We aren’t even dating!”

Martha turns to Toni, eyebrows raised high on her forehead, “You and Shelby are together?”

Toni chokes on her own spit, “What? No! Fatins just making shit up!”

Behind her, Toni can feel Shelby shift uncomfortably. 

“Okay, but can you really blame me?” Fatin asks, “The heart eyes that happened like, two seconds ago were unmatched.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Toni watches as Shelby tightens her hands into fists, stare fixed hard at the tiled ground. 

“Hey, fuck off!” Toni says, taking a step forward towards Fatin, poking her hard in the chest, “Stay out of our fucking business you-”

“Woah!” Dot says, grabbing Toni by the neck of her jacket and pulling her off of the other girl, “Settle down man, she was only teasing.”

“You think I give a shit?”

“Toni.” Shelby says steadily, resting a hand on her shoulder, “It’s alright, I’m fine. We’re fine.”

She looks up at Shelby, searching her eyes for any sign that she may be lying. Upon finding none, she jerks away from Dot's grip, releasing a shaky breath, “Whatever.”

Martha elbows Toni in the ribs. 

She groans, sending a glare Fatins way, “Sorry for freaking out.”

Fatins sighs, “You’re good dude, I probably took it too far anyway.”

Shelby looks like she’s about to say something, but right as she opens her mouth to speak, the morning bell rings. 

The eight of them all shuffle away, reluctantly heading towards their respective classes (or on their way to ditch them, depending on who you ask).

Toni’s first few classes drag on for what feels like an eternity. Despite her earlier fit with Fatin, she decides not to let it bring her down. ‘It’s going to be a good day,’ she tells herself, as if saying them aloud could make the words become any more true. 

Finally (not like she’d been waiting for it or anything), the bell rings for the third period, and Toni packs up her things to head to English. 

Shelby is already seated at her desk when Toni arrives, just as she is every day. She feels her heart skip a beat as Shelby turns up to look at her, green eyes flashing with the hint of a smile reserved just for Toni. 

Much to her disappointment, the two of them don’t get any time to talk, before their teacher strolls into the room, shouting out directions for their next assignment. 

Toni tries her best to follow along and take notes, but it’s almost like Shelby is trying to distract her- a flick of her ponytail here, a drop of her pencil there. The third time Shelby leans back in her chair, far enough so that the blonde strands of her hair brush the edge of Toni’s desk, she gives up on trying to absorb any information her teacher is set on explaining. 

After the lecture is over, and time to work on their paper has begun, Toni seizes her chance to play a few games of her own on the girl in front of her. 

When Shelby’s hair brushes against her desk again, Toni reaches out, running her fingers through it softly. She pauses as Shelby stiffens, but when she doesn’t move away, Toni takes it as the ‘ok’ to keep going. 

Shelby’s hair is soft- most likely due to the over priced shampoo she no doubt uses- and smells of peaches. 

Other than play with it, Toni doesn’t really know where to go from here. She’s never been one to do much with her own hair, other than Martha occasionally braiding it for her. Besides throwing it up into a casual ponytail, Toni’s always just kept it down for convenience sake. Shelby doesn’t seem to mind though, as she leans back as subtly as she can, giving Toni an easier angle to keep brushing it with her fingers. 

“What’re you doing?” Shelby asks softly, turning around to face Toni.

She releases her hair with a small shrug, “Trying to distract you.”

Toni watches with satisfaction as Shelby’s face flushes a bright red.

“It’s working.” Shelby says, her voice low.

Her breath gets caught in her throat, and she grips her pencil harder, trying to anchor herself. 

Shelby’s twisted all the way around now, it’s actually a miracle she hasn’t gotten called out for it yet, her elbows resting on Toni’s desk. 

“You seemed pretty angry earlier.” She points out, “About the whole… dating thing?”

Toni scowls, “Yeah well, it’s none of Fatin’s fucking business, so I think I have the right to be.”

“She was only kidding around Toni, there’s no way she could have actually known about,” Shelby hesitates, looking around the room for a moment, “well, you know.”

“I do.” She says, grinding her jaw, “You just seemed uncomfortable and I- well I only wanted her to stop teasing you, I didn’t mean to get so pissed.”

Shelby blinks briefly, before a smirk takes over her features, “What, you care about me or something?”

Toni snorts, “Or something.”

“Oh you totally do.” Shelby grins, resting her chin on the palm of her hands. 

“No way,” Toni scoffs, “I have a reputation to uphold.”

Shelby winks at her, and that alone is enough to shut Toni right up. She kneads her bottom lip between her teeth, Shelby reaches forward only slightly, brushing her knuckles against the side of Toni’s hand. 

“Careful,” Toni warns her, pulling back before Shelby can be any more blatantly obvious (Jesus Christ, she really is in a closet made of glass). 

Shelby pouts, but makes no effort to reach out again. She looks down at her fingernails thoughtfully. They aren’t painted today, and Toni notices how the acrylics she’d always worn are mysteriously missing. 

“I heard you made team captain again this year.” Shelby says.

“How do you know that?” 

“I have my ways.” She says ominously.

Toni gives her a blank stare, “It was Martha, wasn’t it.”

“Maybe.” She smiles, “You know I’ve never really seen you play. Kind of weird isn’t it?” Shelby flicks her eyes back down to her nails, “Maybe I’ll ask Andrew to come watch a game with me, he loves sports and all that.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Toni counters, unwilling to buy into Shelby’s words. 

“Well I can’t just go to an all girls basketball game without him, now can I?” Shelby asks innocently, “My daddy would never approve.”

Toni rests back against her seat, “You’re infuriating.”

Shelby smiles, turning back around as she says, “You love it.”

Toni bites the end of her pencil with a sigh, because no matter how much she tries to suppress it, Shelby is right.

She does.

***

The girls meet up in the parking lot after school, the sun shining bright despite the few inches of snow on the ground. Toni doesn’t have practice today, due to her coach being out sick, leaving her with the rest of the afternoon to do as she pleases. 

“So what’re you bitches getting up to tonight?” Fatin asks, leaning against the hood of Dot’s truck.

The rest of them collectively shrug, some muttering under their breaths about overdue homework. 

Fatin releases an overdramatic groan, “Come on guys, what happened to my party people?”

“After school burnout.” Leah grumbles.

“Oh no, I’m not having any of it.” Fatin says, “We should do something, like- oh! How about bowling?”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Toni complains. 

“Come on Toni, you love bowling!” Martha says.

It’s true, she does, but hanging out with a bunch of less than sane girls is no competition compared to the warmth of her bed. 

“Well I’ll have to check with my parents first,” Shelby says, “but it sounds like a swell time. You know, back in Texas me and my friends would go down to the alley almost every weekend.”

Fatin grins, “Alright, two and a half down,” she winks at Toni, “five more to go!”

“Well I’m down.” Rachel shrugs, “Nora?”

Her sister nods, not looking up from the book she’s reading, “I was going to study with Quinn tonight, but he canceled because of the weather, so I should be fine.”

“I’ll come too,” Leah answers, “Anything to get my parents off my back about spending too much time in my room.” She frowns. 

“How about you Dorothy?” Fatin turns to Dot, clasping her hands together. 

Dot shakes her head, “No can do, dudes. I gotta take care of my dad, you know how it is.”

Fatin deflates instantly, “Come on! It’s one night!”

She shifts, but stands her ground, “No can do.”

Shelby offers Dot a sweet smile, “Oh just come along with us Dottie, you know your daddy would want you to go.”

“Uhg, you guys are unbearable.” She says, then after a moment of consideration, “I’ll see what I can do, but I’m not making any promises.”

“Great!” Fatin says, climbing into her shiny black Audi, “I’ll see you bitches at 5PM sharp!”

Toni and Martha arrive at the local bowling alley 15 minutes later than Fatins agreed time. No one seems to notice it much though, as they make their way to the reserved lane. 

“You know, I’ll truly never understand how your parents can afford to buy a full isle and dinner for a group of eight.” Toni remarks, sitting down at the table.

Fatin bobs her shoulders up and down, “Daddy’s got bank, and Mommy’s just along for the ride, if you know what I mean.”

“Gross.” Leah chuckles, scanning the ball return.

“Hey Shelb, you’re up.” Dot calls, strolling back to her seat.

Shelby stands up abruptly and bounces over to grab her ball. Toni takes a sip of her cherry coke as she watches her make her way to the lane, looking critically at the pins on the other end. 

“Ten bucks says she flops.” Dot says.

Rachel smirks, “I’ll take that bet, ten bucks says she’ll get a perfect strike.”

Dot turns to Toni, “What do you think?”

“Why the fuck are you asking me?”

She shrugs, “I dunno, you two like, hang out and stuff now.”

To Toni’s right, Martha shouts, “You got this Shelby!”

Shelby takes a step forward… swings backward… throws the ball….

...And it lands right in the gutter. 

“Are you serious right now?” Rachel exclaims, next to her, Nora and Dot break down into a fit of laughter. 

Shelby spins around, an embarrassed smile on her face. 

“I thought you said you went bowling all the time!” Rachel scowls. 

“I did,” Shelby says, “But I never said I was any good at it, now did I?”

Toni smirks, “Good going Peaches, you cost Rach ten bucks.”

Shelby takes a seat next to her, sending a pitying glance Rachels way as she passes ten dollars over to a smug looking Dot. 

Up next is Toni, who saunters up to grab her ball.

Before she makes her move, she turns to make sure Shelby is watching. 

Ok, so maybe trying to impress her over a game of bowling isn’t Toni’s proudest moment, but who can blame her? She is a useless lesbian at heart. 

She tosses the ball down the long wooden lane, watching intently as it rolls straight down the middle.

“That’s what I’m talkin’ about baby!” She cheers as her ball knocks down all ten pins- a clean and easy strike. Her friends jeer along as Toni bows dramatically. 

“Nice one man.” Dot grins, offering Toni a fist bump as she sits back down. 

“Thanks,” Toni says, leaning all the way back in her chair, “Takes a lot of work to maintain all this swag.”

“Uh huh,” Shelby hums with a smirk.

Toni takes a sip of her soda, “I wouldn’t be talking Texas, I’m not the one who totally biffed and got a gutter ball.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Shelby says, “I was only thinkin’ how hard it must be for you to fit so much ego in that tiny body of yours, must be feeling pretty snug by now.”

Leah snorts, “She got you there, Shalifoe.”

They play for another half hour before deciding to take a break and eat some of the crummy food being sold at the bowling alley bar. 

Fatin and Dot are arguing about something, while Nora and Martha watch as Rachel and Leah get heated in a competitive game of tic-tac-toe. 

“So how’d you convince your dad to let you come out tonight?” Toni asks, shoving a bite of nachos into her mouth.

Shelby answers, “I may or may not have told him I was spending the evening with Andrew.”

“Damn,” Toni grins, “Who knew you were secretly such a baddie. I mean, lying to your old man like that?” She whistles, “I’d be scared shitless.”

Shelby shrugs, a sly smile crossing her lips, “Well I’ve been doin’ it for as long as I can remember, so it’s not too big ‘a deal at all, really.”

Toni gawks at her, earning herself a slew of giggles from the other girl.

“You’re the most obnoxious person I know.” Toni says with a shake of her head.

“No way!” Shelby says, “Fatins got me beat by a long shot.”

“The fuck did you say about me?” Fatin asks, spinning around to face them.

Toni shoots out a laugh so hard soda almost sprays out of her nose. In turn, Shelby keels over, wheezing.

“Jesus,” Leah says, “What kinda drugs did you give them, Dot, they’re insane.”

“Don’t bring me into this, I had nothing to do with it.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Shelby giggles in an effort to regain her posture, “It’s just- your face was priceless.”

Fatin rolls her eyes as the two of them continue to laugh, “I will never understand either of you.”

“I’m not even sure you want to.” Nora agrees with a shiver. 

Not long after, Shelby announces it’s almost curfew, and the rest of them agree it’s late enough to head home. 

“You coming back with me tonight?” Martha asks as she and Toni exit the building.

“You know it.” Toni grins, wrapping her arm around Martha’s shoulder.

“Hey uh, Toni!” Shelby shouts from behind them. She’s standing in her puffy coat, looking especially small against the backdrop of the building behind her. 

Toni releases Martha, “I’ll be just a sec.” She promises her.

“Sorry, uhm, I didn’t mean to drag you away from Marty.” Shelby says shyly.

“Psh, she’s fine.” Toni waves, “she’ll be ok waiting in the car.” 

“I wanted to tell you... I had fun tonight.” Shelby says, shifting from foot to foot, “And last night. I had a lot of fun last night too.”

“Yeah, same.” Toni admits, the feeling of Shelby’s lips pressed against her own flashing through her mind. “We could- we could do it again, sometime. If you wanted. I mean- we could do the whole date thing again, not just the making out.” Shelby’s eyes widen, “Unless you meant the making out thing, then we can totally do that instead!”

Shelby huffs out a breathy laugh, her eyes searching the distance, as if to make sure they aren’t being watched. Then, before Toni realizes what’s happening, she leans down and presses a soft kiss to the corner of Toni’s mouth. 

When she pulls away, Shelby whispers, “Or, we could do both?”

Toni smiles up at her, “Both.” She echos, “Yeah, both is good.”


End file.
